How To Be Confident

Updated: Jul 26, 2019


Confidence is, by official dictionary definition, “A feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something. A feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances. The quality or state of being certain.”


In other words, you have a belief in yourself and are sure of yourself and you know that whatever happens, you will be okay.


Confidence is also this sexy coolness that always seems like everyone else has it but you, right?


Look, I get it. I've always felt like I was the one looking in, wishing I was part of the cool kids. I'm kinda awkward, totally dorky, and a bit witchy and weird at times. I'm a mom that loves astrology and crystals and ghost stories. Houseplants, and Mexican food (mmmm fajitas). I'm ms. optimistic and goofy. I'm bubbly with a talent for the dark and twisted.


I'm also terrible about self sabotaging because I sometimes second guess myself about whatever I'm doing or working on. Being a parent alone is pretty much a guarantee that you will second guess everything you do, especially when your kid doesn't quite fit "the box" most school systems and beyond try to keep our kids in.


Get this!! I even took a year off from makeup not too long ago because my confidence was SHOOK thanks to that little inner critic that wouldn't keep her mouth shut and had me comparing myself and MY journey to others.


So please trust me when I say I know what it is like to not be confident and it SUCKS!


However, with all of that, one thing I've always been told (even in my least confident of moments) is how confident I am/seem. I hear it all the time from friends and strangers alike. They've said things like "your confidence is awe-inspiring!! I just wish I was as comfortable in my skin as you are!!" or "You have the best confidence! I strive to get to that point!" and let me first just say thank you for that!!


Don't get me wrong though. I'm not saying all that to make it seem like I'm not confident at all. Oh no, I know I'm a bad ass chick and I know that I'm smart, beautiful and have some amazing talents to share.

But let me also say that no one and I mean NO ONE, including myself, is 100% confident 24/7/365. We all have things that we don't like about ourselves. Even the most confident people have insecurities.


So how am I supposed to explain something that 1) isn't quite as tangible as say a new hair cut or cute shoes 2) that I've been practicing for so long that its just a second nature and 3) I still struggle with sometimes too?


So I had to asked my tribe and community in my private Facebook group, The Phat Life, "What does it mean to be confident?" and here's what a few members had to say...


"Try to realize who you are, and don’t apologize for it! Be nice to everyone, but live your life as you are. No one's a photoshopped picture perfect princess model, and that’s okay!"- Hana V.


"Don't care what others think, comfortable in their skin, know that they are attractive, no doubt. Basically doing the damn thing. " - Brandi H.


"Being confident is being and knowing who you. It’s okay to have an off day here or there (PMS is a thing lol)." - Jina C.


"Start giving zero f*cks about what other people think. You be you, not someone else's idea of you."- Ashley C.


So how do you do that? How do you get to a poing of not caring what others think or how do you get comfortable in your own skin?


Like seriously! How do I get on Lizzo's level?


It's so hard! It really is! Even in my most confident times I still struggle with comparing myself and worrying about what others think, but there's a few things that I do on a regular basis that also help me combat that and not live in a constant state of worry and lack of confidence.


Here are my tips and tricks on how to be confident. These are little seeds that you plant and water regularly. This isn't a one and done trick. You have to practice these daily to be able to see the change you want in your life.


Affirmations

This is one that I forget sometimes, but our words play such a huge role in our life. More than you may even realize. It's also one of the easiest ways to work on your confidence. Affirmations don't have to be some long complicated cheesy sentence you have to remember (unless that's what you want). It can be as easy as "I am beautiful" repeated out loud in from of the mirror. Find one you like and stick with it.

My favorite two that I repeat often are "I receive an abundance of love and prosperity in my life" and "Money flows freely to me from multiple sources" (deep down I hustle...so I've gotta make that money honey.)


Here are a few affirmations you can start with, say these out loud to yourself regularly:


* I am beautiful

* I love my {choose a part of your body that you appreciate: hair, eyes, lips, hips)

* I know I'm worthy of great things

* I believe in my skills and abilities

* Today is going to be a great day

* I'm know what I'm doing

* Everything will work out for me.

* I am a winner.

* The tools I need to succeed are in my possession.

* There is nobody better to get the job done than me.


The Wonder Woman/Superman

Take this pose anytime you are about to do something that really freaks you out.

Stand up straight and tall. Shoulders back, chest out. Hands on your hips. Head held high and say out loud "I've got this and today is going to be a great day!" I know that sounds SUPER cheesy (get it. haha.) but it works.


Focus on the Positive

We live in a society that makes its money telling others what is wrong with them. Lose weight this way or wear your hair that way. Don't forget about those squats! Its all fear and negative views on our amazing bodies.

Especially in the world where social media makes it SOOOOO incredibly easy to criticize others from behind a keyboard.


Stop focusing so much on what's wrong with you, start focusing on what's right. The more you train your brain to focus on the positive the more confident you will become for the things that truly matter.


Take a good long look in the mirror

This one kinda goes with the last one, but one thing that I've done over the years to learn to accept and love my body for what it is is to stand naked in front of the mirror and just look at myself. Sure it can be awkward, especially in the beginning when you first try it, and there are lots of things you see and wish were different.


I could tell you a million things that I would change when I look at my body. Like how I wish my breasts were perkier (I know lots of moms feel me on that one) to the width of my big ol' phat butt, but the longer I stand there and stare the longer I start to look at myself differently. I start to view it as a work of art that only God could create. well, God and my love of noodles, but I digress.


Anyway, as I stand there, I start to love the curve of my hips and how long my hair is getting, and the bubble of my butt. I just start seeing myself in a totally different light and then I start focusing on those things I love. From there I start walking around like the queen I know I am.


What is it that Beyonce says? oh yea! bow down, bitches. LOL


Keep your head up

I'm not saying you should walk around with your chest puffed out and your nose in the air (cause I'm a terrible slouch), but body language can help boost your confidence. Such as keep you head up when you're walking and making eye contact. Don't get me wrong it can be a big scary world out there, but making sure you are looking at what's ahead and around you helps make it not so scary.


Add a little lipstick

Last but certainly not least. Get dressed! Taking a few minutes to jazz up your appearance, whether that is brushing your hair, adding some makeup, or putting on a nice outfit all have proven to be confidence boosters.


Now, when you're done putting yourself together don't forget to look in the mirror and say "I look good!" and don't forget to smile!


Remember confidence is not "they'll like me no matter what", confidence is "I'll be ok if they don't".


Video: Let's talk having confidence....*language warning*



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